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The Onion, the long-running satirical news website that began as a print publication, has caught on in the digital media world and its parent company made a brazen move seemingly pulled from its headlines. The Onion‘s parent company purchased conspiracy theorist Alex Jones‘ InfoWars, and the “CEO” of the parent company has issued a statement.
The news was announced via The Onion and features words from Global Tetrahedron CEO Bryce P. Tetraeder, a fictitious CEO according to The Onion’s CEO, Ben Collins. That aside, Mr. Tetraeder’s statement to the world regarding the purchase of InfoWars is done in true Onion fashion.

From Bryce P. Tetraeder:
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.
Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.
What’s next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.
Global Tetrahedron, which is the real name of the parent company, purchased InfoWars through a bankruptcy auction to help offset Jones’ $1 billion in defamation judgments for spreading information that the tragic Sandy Hook Elementary shooting was a hoax. Parents and backers of the shooting victims were in support of the auction and the ending of InfoWars, according to replies made by Collins on X and Bluesky
The larger play for InfoWars appears to be a shift to turn all of its hateful and unfounded content into a hub for gun violence prevention. Alex Jones also  shared a video on Thursday (November 14) confirming the news.
On X, the reaction to the news is moving along and we’ve got reactions below.

Photo: Getty

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Source: Jason Mendez / Getty / Bernice Burgos
Bernice Burgos shared some information on her hustle, which took her from being a “startender” to a successful entrepreneur, but some people are not too sure about math regarding the amount of money she made slinging drinks.

The 44-year-old social media influencer/ entrepreneur stopped by the Joe Budden Podcast to break bread with the former rapper and his crew of talkers.
During the conversation, Burgos revealed she was making outstanding money as a bartender/bottle girl at the Starlets Gentlemen’s Club in New York City.
Burgos said on a good night, she was bringing in $30,000, and on special nights, like her own birthday, she would make $70,000, which is very impressive because that is definitely not the case for all the ladies in her former line of work.

The grandmother (yes, she has a granddaughter) revealed she was able to be successful by building “real relationships” with regulars.
“I make sure I give you the bottles for $250 when they cost $350. So I’m gonna hustle,” Burgos said. “You don’t gotta tip me now. You tip me later, like throwing money. I was smart.”

Burgos also revealed that she had a plan and stuck to it during her three years of making drinks, which Budden revealed during the conversation were “trash.” She stacked her money to start her clothing line and buy a home, and that’s exactly what she accomplished.
She also shot down the notion that she made all that money without having to rely solely on her sex appeal, telling Joe Budden and co. that “I don’t do too much,” adding, “I used to be covered with a whole body suit on.”
Social Media Thinks Bernice Burgos Is Full of C A P
Of course, while some were impressed, a good number of people on social media called C A P, referring back to an old interview on The Breakfast Club in which she said she made $8,000, which is far short of the $30-$70K she claimed to be making.

Welp.
We have no clue if Bernice Burgos is lying; we’re not big on pocket-watching.
You can see more reactions to the interview below.

2. Hmmmmmm

5. Podcast math, LOL

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Source: DANIEL SLIM / Getty

The happiest place on Earth for one family in distress happened to be a Disney cruise after the ship saved them from their sinking catamaran.

As reported by TMZ, a family of four was sailing more than 200 miles off the coast of Bermuda. Soon into the voyage their catamaran malfunctioned and started taking in water to which the married couple instantly released a distress signal. Luckily for them, their daughter and a cousin, The Disney Treasure, a new cruise liner, happened to be only 80 miles away. The ship deployed a lifeboat and the coast guard was able to rescue the four individuals without them suffering any injuries.

According to officials, the oldest person on the catamaran was 74 and the youngest was 24. A Disney Line representative gave further details on the incident to CBS News. “We are pleased that the Disney Treasure was able to provide aid to the boat passengers in peril. Our crew members worked together on the rescue, skillfully demonstrating their training and commitment to safety,” Disney Treasure Captain Marco Nogara said in an exclusive statement. The ship offers 1,256 staterooms and is scheduled to go on its maiden voyage to the Caribbean on Dec. 21.
You can watch footage of the rescue below.

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Source: ANDREW CABALLERO-REYNOLDS / Getty
Oprah Winfrey is denying allegations that she took $1 million from the presidential campaign of Kamala Harris, allegations that have been repeatedly shared by social media observers.

In the wake of the presidential election loss by Vice President Kamala Harris, higher scrutiny on the Democratic Party’s spending has increased and many are looking at allegations that Oprah Winfrey personally received money from the campaign to the tune of $1 million. The allegation came as part of a report by the Washington Examiner, a conservative media outlet, which took a look at the financial output of the Harris campaign which had collected $1 billion in three months of fundraising. The Examiner reported that the campaign “paid more than $15 million, according to federal filings,” on “event production.” That included the million dollars paid to Harpo Productions, Winfrey’s company.

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Harpo Productions was responsible for putting on the “Unite For America” livestream event for Harris that aired in September and was held in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. The town hall featured celebrities such as actresses Tracee Ellis Ross and Meryl Streep among others appearing virtually. Winfrey interviewed the vice president about her stances on reproductive rights, including abortion, as well as gun control. The reports led to some online expressing their dislike of the situation, and decrying how much monetary donations and high-profile figures have gotten a say in the nation’s politics.
Other outlets picked up on the Examiner’s article and began to write that Winfrey herself had been paid that sum of one million. A reporter from TMZ confronted Oprah Winfrey on the street in a video released on Monday (November 10). “Is it true that they paid you a million dollars for the endorsement for Kamala?”, the reporter asked. “Not true,” Winfrey replied. “I did not get paid a penny. Ever.” She responded to a commenter who was defending her on Instagram, reiterating that she wasn’t personally paid and explaining how her company was paid for producing the virtual town hall.

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Source: The Washington Post / Getty
Aides to Donald Trump aren’t pleased with Elon Musk being a constant presence at Mar-a-Lago, with some declaring how “odd” it is.
According to reports, tech billionaire Elon Musk has been a constant fixture at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida, for the past week unnerving those close to him. Sources have revealed that the Tesla CEO dined with the president-elect and his wife Sunday (Nov. 10), and roamed the estate with his son almost every day beginning on Election Day.

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“While Musk himself is still not expected to take any kind of formal position inside Trump’s administration, given how complicated it would be with his companies, what’s becoming clearer tonight is that he doesn’t really need to,” CNN anchor Kaitlan Collins said in a news segment. “One source told me, Elon Musk is having just as much influence from the outside.” She went on to add that Musk has been present for calls to Trump from various world leaders and that “he’s also weighing in on staffing decisions, making clear his preference for certain roles even.”
CNN tech journalist Kara Swisher confirmed the tech billionaire’s influence and aides’ reaction. “He definitely inserts himself all the time, that’s his style,” Swisher said in a report on Monday (Nov. 11). “I’ve heard from Trump people, calling me saying, ‘Oh, wow. This is odd’. And it is.” Elon Musk lent his services to aid Trump in the election’s final days, creating a political action committee (and spending over $100 million in the process) and even moving to Pennsylvania. With that support came controversy, as it was revealed that Musk has been talking with Russian President Vladimir Putin for over two years, facing pressure to comply with the authoritarian’s demands.
Trump previously promised Musk would have a significant say in his administration, but observers feel there would be an eventual ego clash leaving Musk out in the cold. “There’s room for only one star, one genius in the Trump White House,” historian David Nasaw wrote in an opinion-editorial for the New York Times. “As the president-elect has told us time and again, he is one smart fellow and a ‘very stable genius.’ He is not going to share his victory and center stage with anyone. And why should he?”

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Source: Eddie Chen / HBO / Euphoria
Euphoria fans, we have some good news for you. HBO is calling the news of the show’s cancellation C A P.
Spotted on Deadline, reports of the Zendaya-led, Sam Levinson-created teen drama meeting an early demise after two seasons are false, according to a statement from a rep for HBO.

Per Deadline:

“Euphoria is going in to production in 2025. Nothing has changed,” a rep for HBO said in a statement to The Guardian.
After Season 2 aired in early 2022, production on the next installment has been delayed by last year’s WGA & SAG-AFTRA strikes, as well as the death of star Angus Cloud in July 2023.
In July, Deadline reported that Euphoria would begin production on Season 3 in January 2025 with the principal cast returning and a time jump planned.
Well, there you have it.
Zendaya touched on the reported time jump speaking with Entertainment Weekly on The Awardist podcast last month, jokingly saying, “It’s important because there’s only so much high school drama you can deal with. ‘And then she cheats on her boyfriend again!’”
She added, “I don’t actually know much about what is happening. I don’t quite know exactly what the season is going to look like, but I do know that the time jump is happening.”
“It will be fascinating to see and understand these characters outside of the context of high school and how all the stuff that we saw when they were kids and they were in high school affects the adulthood they have and who they become in a much bigger world. I’ll be interested to see what happens too,” the Challengers actress said.
The Future of Euphoria Is Still Up In The Clouds
Sam Levinson hasn’t had much success outside of Euphoria. His show The Idol, starring The Weeknd, was not well received and was canceled after one season.
Speaking on season 3 of Euphoria, Levinson described it as “film noir,” which showcases Rue’s “exploration of what it means to be an individual with principles in a corrupt world.”
Fans have been worried about the show following the tragic passing of cast member Angus Cloud. 
We shall see how the stories of our favorite dysfunctional teens continue when season 3 eventually arrives.

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Source: Win McNamee / Getty
Text messages sent to Black people across the United States after the presidential election have caught the attention of federal authorities.
In the wake of the presidential election Tuesday (Nov. 5), a disturbing phenomenon has occurred in which Black people have received racist text messages summoning them for slavery. The incidents have occurred in close to 25 states, prompting federal agencies to begin investigations.

The troubling messages followed a pattern of addressing the recipients by their name and telling them they were selected to “pick cotton” at a plantation, then ordering them to be ready for pick-up at a certain time. Some variations included references to President-elect Donald Trump, and others included, “NO PHONES.”
The NAACP stated that the messages had been received by college students in Alabama, Maryland, Missouri, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and Virginia. New York State Attorney General Letitia James confirmed that middle school and high school students as well as college-age students also received those messages in the state. Officials in Connecticut and California confirmed that residents there also received those texts.
The texts were reportedly sent out as early as Wednesday morning (Nov. 6), with reporting by CBS News affirming that it was through a service called Text Now, which offers free phone numbers. The company issued a statement as the news broke, writing: “One or more of our accounts may have been used to send text messages in violation of our terms of service,” adding it shut down the accounts as it became aware. The Federal Bureau confirmed that it was on the case in a statement: “The FBI is aware of the offensive and racist text messages sent to individuals around the country and is in contact with the Justice Department and other federal authorities on the matter.”
In a statement, Trump spokesperson Steven Cheung said that the president-elect’s “campaign has absolutely nothing to do with these text messages.” Trump’s presidential campaign was rife with racist sentiments, ranging from slandering Haitian immigrants in Ohio in August, to having a comedian insult Puerto Ricans at his controversial Madison Square Garden rally last month. The barrage of messages queue up the most dangerous times for Black people in the United States. “These actions are not normal,” said NAACP President Derrick Johnson. “And we refuse to let them be normalized.”

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Source: Andrew Lichtenstein / Getty
According to city officials, a controversial voucher program for migrants in New York City to get food using debit cards is ending.
New York City announced that it will discontinue a program that gave vouchers to migrants to pay for food, putting an end to an initiative that had been long assailed by conservatives and associated pundits. The vouchers came in the form of prepaid debit cards. “As we move towards more competitive contracting for asylum seeker programs, we have chosen not to renew the emergency contract for this pilot program once the one-year term concludes,” New York City Mayor Eric Adams said in a statement.

The program, which began in late March, provided debit cards for food and baby supplies to 2,600 migrants who arrived in the city and were staying in hotels funded by the city. The debit cards could only be used at convenience stores, bodegas, and supermarkets. They would be unusable at other businesses. Mobility Capital Finance, or MoCaFi, was the private company that won a no-bid, emergency contract for $400,000 to run the program for one year.
The program distributed the cards at the Roosevelt Hotel in midtown Manhattan to participants, totaling $3.2 million. It was a sea change from a previous food distribution system managed by another private medical company, DocGo, which obtained a $432 million contract from the city before troubling allegations forced the city to phase the contract out.
Conservatives have attacked the program since its creation, claiming it was ripe for fraud, but no instances of bad behavior with the debit cards have occurred. City Comptroller Brad Lander also previously revoked the city’s ability to enter into emergency deals for migrant services. While an estimated 700 migrants are entering New York City each week seeking asylum, 1,000 are making their way out. Mayor Adams William Fowler, a spokesperson at City Hall, said that Mayor Adams is open to potentially pursuing the installment of a similar program in the future. “We will continue to implement and learn from innovative pilot programs like the immediate response cards program as we care for hundreds of new arrivals every week,” he said in an interview.

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Source: Presley Ann / Getty /Halle Bailey / DDG
Halle Bailey had to retract her initial reaction to her baby daddy, DDG, appearing on a Kai Cenat stream with their son.
Singer/actress Halle Bailey now admits she may have overreacted when she expressed her feelings about DDG bringing their son, Halo, on a Kai Cenat stream on Wednesday, Nov.6, without her knowledge.

In a post on X, formerly Twitter, The Little Mermaid star wrote on Thursday, “yesterday maybe i did overreact and shouldn’t have brought it here. i know that Halo is always safe with his dad. i just don’t like finding out with the rest of the world what my baby is doing. thank u kai for the gifts for Halo.”
Her latest comments contrast sharply with her initial reaction, which she wrote in a now-deleted tweet that she was “extremely upset” after DDG and their son made an appearance during Cenat’s stream, describing it as “unapproved.”
Bailey said in the now-deleted tweet that she was not happy about her baby daddy putting their nearly one-year-old child in front of millions of people.
“Hi everyone. Just so you know I am out of town and I don’t approve of my baby being on a stream tonight. I wasn’t told or notified and I am extremely upset to have my baby in front of millions of people. I am his mother and protector and saddened I wasn’t notified especially when I am out of town,” Bailey wrote.
Essence reports that in another deleted tweet, Bailey revealed she is experiencing “severe postpartum,” adding, “There are boundaries that I wish to be respected. No one knows what someone is going through until they snap.”
As Expected, Social Media Has Plenty of Thoughts On The Matter
As expected, footage from Halo’s “unapproved” appearance went viral, and social media had plenty of thoughts about Halle Bailey’s reaction to the moment.
Some understood why the first-time mom reacted in such a matter. One user on X wrote in defense of The Color Purple star, “yall really making a postpartum mother feel bad for being upset her baby’s father didn’t tell her he was putting her baby on a stream that just got swatted less than a week ago…… okay brah.”
While others were quick to remind her that she made a child with someone who i in the same line of work as Cenat. “Girl you know you had a baby with a streamer??,” another X user wrote. 
We need to give Halle Bailey some grace based on what she is going through as a first-time mom.
You can see more reactions in the gallery below.

3. It happens more times than you think.

4. Exactly

6. Good on him

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Source: Pacific Press / Getty
New York City Mayor Eric Adams may be looking for a pardon from Donald Trump, but there are considerable political risks for him. 
The return of Donald Trump to the White House has created a conundrum for New York City Mayor Eric Adams. Adams could find himself as the beneficiary of sympathy from the president-elect as he faces federal corruption charges, but actively courting favor from Trump would put him squarely against his own political party. 

The tension surrounding that situation was evident to all during a press conference held on Wednesday by Adams and his staff after the election results were released. The mayor stressed that they would work with the incoming federal administration. “We will work with the new administration and Congress to develop a realistic and compassionate national strategy for our immigration system,” he said. When asked about Trump’s victory and the effect it could have on his court case, Adams simply smirked and refused to answer as he left the podium.
https://x.com/katie_honan/status/1854211493845221628?s=46
Trump mentioned Adams’ case at the Alfred E. Smith dinner in the city last month. “I just want to be nice because I know what it’s like to be persecuted by the DOJ for speaking out against open borders,” Trump said then. “We were persecuted, Eric. I was persecuted, and so were you.” He has previously pardoned high-level Democratic politicians who’ve run afoul of the law – former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.
Adding to the pressure-filled situation is the fact that Trump and Adams both enjoy friendships with noted Republican backers including former mayoral candidate and billionaire John Catsimatidis and radio host Sid Rosenberg (who offered to be a go-between the two). “Do you protect New York as a sanctuary city, or do you consider your own liberty in that equation?” said Basil Smikle, a former Democratic strategist and current Columbia University professor. “What’s going to win out?”
With an estimated half-million undocumented immigrants living in New York City and over 210,000 migrants who’ve arrived since 2022, Trump’s vow of mass deportation looms larger. Adams has clashed with the Biden administration and members of his own city council and the Democrats over their handling of migrants. Observers have noted that the situation could reflect on his upcoming primary. “There may be an interest in having more progressive leadership or at least a leadership that isn’t bogged down by these investigations,” Smilke stated.