Pop

Somebody light the candles, it’s RM’s birthday! The BTS member turns 29 on Tuesday, Sep. 12, with fans celebrating around the world on Monday (Sept. 11). In celebration of the big day, the rapper-songwriter posted a message to fans reflecting on his 28 years of life so far.

In his note — which was posted to Weverse on Monday (Sep. 11) — RM reflects on his emotional maturity journey, talks new music to come and muses on the relationship between fans and artists. “It’s my last birthday in my 20s,” he began. “I always feel a little embarrassed. I don’t think it’s a big day for me, but … I’m so happy and blessed that so many people congratulated me sincerely.”

“I want to be a person who can be as honest as possible, but what can the existence between the intangible and tangible of fans and singers be beyond that? Is everything acceptable under the kind ghost of love? I’m still going through the experience where revealing becomes a weakness and honesty hurts, but I’m not sure yet,” he wrote. “I said before that I was sad because it was getting harder to talk. I think that fact is still the same. But I’ve gotten a lot calmer. As I received the sincerity of thinking about receiving it once in my life like a heavy rain, I also realized that I was a temperamentally optimistic person who considered salt and emptiness as cool. Isn’t this a miracle? These days, I’m living with by ‘Why not?’ I’m living by sharing the optimism that was interpreted by the love I received.”

RM has already achieved several lifetime’s worth of success. As a member of BTS, RM has earned six No. 1 singles on the Billboard Hot 100, including the Grammy-nominated singles “Dynamite” and “Butter.” On the Billboard 200, the group has scored six No. 1 titles in just five years, ranging from 2018’s Love Youself: Tear to 2022’s Proof.

The rapper also teased new music of his own in his message, though it sounds like it may not be coming anytime soon. “I’m living by sharing the optimism that was interpreted by the love I received,” he shared. “I’m also putting it in my next songs that will come out someday.” As a soloist, RM has charted one song on the Hot 100: 2022’s “Wild Flower” (with Youjeen, No. 83). He has also landed a pair of titles on the Billboard 200: 2018’s mono. (No. 26) and 2022’s Indigo (No. 3).

He continued his message by reflecting on his life and time in BTS. “Can I just be honest in a way that’s more beautiful than music?” RM wrote. “So I wonder if I became a BTS. I wanted to do it in various ways. Whether it’s a program, an interview, a dance, whatever.. What a blessed life. And these things always make me want to look at where I am and think about it with my eyes.”

He wrapped up his letter by sharing his appreciation for ARMY. “Each letter of my birthday is a different language of love, where I have now arrived. Thanks to you, I’m living really well. I want to live well. I just wanted to say that I love you with my latest and best version every time,” RM concluded. “I can’t hug each and every one of you, but my heart is more than that. I won’t ask you to love me no matter what I look like. But I’m going to try my best as much as I got it.”

BTS‘ V celebrated the release of his debut solo album, Layover — which arrived Sept. 8 — with a Monday (Sept. 11) appearance on Suga‘s Suchwita drinking show. While the pair listened to several tracks from the album, the conversation turned serious when V reflected on a rough time in the group that took place during 2018.

“When I think of Taehyung, the year 2018 comes to mind so much, during our ‘Fake love’ promotions,” Suga said, to which V replied, “It was the toughest time in my life.”

A clip from BTS’ award acceptance at the 2018 MAMA Awards speech played in an aside, which saw V telling the audience, “Even if I die and come back alive, what doesn’t change is that ARMY is such a precious gift to me.”

Suga explained that after the members saw how exhausted V was, it led the group to wonder about how tired they also were. V’s source of stress, however, came from feeling insecure about his performance abilities compared to his group members’.

“I started to compare myself to others. ‘Because my pace is slower than the members and my thoughts are a bit different … is that why I’m more burned out?’ I thought this a lot,” V explained. “Whenever I looked at our members when we perform, [I thought,] ‘The members are so perfect and they enjoy the stage. But why am I the only one like this?’ So relatively, my burnout was severe.”

Despite gaining international attention and getting invited to perform at the Billboard Music Awards and the American Music Awards for the first time in 2018, the accolades were not enough for the group to feel good about their lack of rest, and according to V, his exhaustion came to a head as BTS prepared for the release of “Fake Love.”

“I was so exhausted that I asked, ‘Since tomorrow we only have dance practice, would it be OK if we took a day off?’ But we were preparing for our comeback and it was an important dance practice, so we couldn’t rest. … All this negativity piled up inside me,” he recalled. “I didn’t think I could do anything in that state, so I kept thinking of ways I could rest, but I couldn’t think of anything, so I even thought I should get hurt [‘If I get hurt, would I be able to rest?’]. I thought I should get hurt, but now I want to change that me of the past.”

Though Suga noted that 2018 felt like a “life and death situation” for BTS, ARMY can rest easy knowing those days are behind the group. “They’re gone now!” V assured Suga.

Watch V’s episode of Suchwita above.

If you or someone you know are struggling with thoughts of self-harm, text CONNECT to 741741 for 24/7 help from the Crisis Text Line. Call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for help from the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.