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SZA might be co-headlining one of the biggest tours of the year, but she says she still struggled with imposter syndrome leading up to its kickoff.
While answering guest interviewer Chappell Roan’s questions for an Interview Magazine cover story published Tuesday (June 17), the R&B hitmaker revealed that she used to be plagued by anxious thoughts when it came to performing. “Every time I had to go on stage, every time I had to get on a carpet, I’d have full-on panic attacks,” she began.

“I used to not show up to something because it was like, ‘I’m never going to win. No one cares that I’m here. Why would I go?’” she continued.

SZA struggled with that anxiety as recently as right before the Grand National stadium tour kicked off in April, with the singer telling Roan that she was convinced people would only attend to see her powerhouse tourmate, Kendrick Lamar. “Same thing with the Kendrick tour,” she said. “‘Everybody’s going to see Kendrick. I don’t even know if I have anything to show these people that’s exciting and new.’”

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Fast forward a few months, and both SZA and Dot have been crushing their performances across the United States in Canada. In July, the “Luther” collaborators will bring the trek to arenas and stadiums all over Europe, closing the trek with two Australian shows in August.

Fortunately, SZA shared that she’s since been able to kick her anxious thoughts to the curb through connecting with her spirituality, whether it’s consulting her astrologer or learning about the “laws of magic.”

“Now it’s just like, ‘F–k it. I don’t have anything else to do, and I want to see where this door is going to lead,’” she said of her approach to performing now. “I want to walk through the door. I want to see what happens in the uncertainty.”

The interview comes about two months into the Grand National Tour, which launched April 19 with a show in Minneapolis. SZA and Lamar most recently stopped in Hershey, Pa., for one night at Hersheypark Stadium.

Some of the most memorable moments of the trek so far have been its special guests, with Playboi Carti, Baby Keem, Justin Bieber and Doja Cat all making appearances at various stops. In May, SZA was joined on stage by longtime bestie Lizzo, and the pair performed their remix of the latter’s “Special.”

Also in the Interview piece, SZA opened up about her friendship with the Yitty founder. “We’ve been friends since, like, 2013, but it was very organic and very random,” she explained to Roan. “One day we were on the same tour, and I was like, ‘We’re about to drive out to Lake Michigan, do you want to come?’ And she was like, ‘Yeah, let’s go.’ And then we just got drunk and hung out, and we kept doing that, and then our lives and careers progressed, and we kept talking and hanging out.”