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Japanese singer-songwriter Haru Nemuri is the next featured artist in Billboard Japan’s Women in Music interview series. Billboard Japan launched its Women in Music initiative in 2022 to celebrate women in the music industry through a string of projects including this series. Billboard Japan’s Women in Music follows the established example of Billboard’s event since 2007 that has honored artists, producers and executives who have made significant contributions to the music industry and empowered women through their work.

Haru — her name is stylized in Japanese order, surname first — has toured internationally and her music is highly acclaimed outside of Japan. The 28-year-old artist has shared in past interviews that she writes her distinctive style music that shouts anger and indignation “to keep from dying.” Billboard Japan sat down with the outspoken feminist who delivers her messages through song and asked in detail about the inspirations and thoughts at the base of her music.

Are there any female artists who have influenced you?

Haru Nemuri: I tried to think of an answer to this question, but couldn’t come up with anyone in particular. My parents love animated movies by Studio Ghibli and I’ve watched their works since I was a kid, and remember liking Princess Mononoke. I liked the way she was honest about her feeling of wanting to kill her enemies.

Did you consider any particular female figures as your ideal?

I try not to have too many ideals or visions of how things should be. The only ideal I have is to avoid holding on to symbolized motifs like male or female figures in my mind.

When did you begin feeling that such gender biases were symbolic?

I think it was after I made my debut to be exact. I went to an all-girls’ school in junior high and high school, so I was surrounded by girls and didn’t really have the experience of being made aware of my own female identity. After my debut, I became known as a “female college student singer-songwriter,” which made me aware that I’m being labeled as a “woman,” a “female artist,” and a “female college student.” Male artists who also happen to go to college are almost never referred to as “male college student artists,” but women who fit the same criteria are often labeled as such.

You’re absolutely right. No matter what their profession may be, being labeled as a “female college student” is something that happens often in Japan and it must be uncomfortable to be appraised as such. Do you think being a woman affects your activities in any way?

Not really. When I’m asked about my gender in terms of that definition, I say “cis woman.” But if you were to ask me, “What percent female are you feeling now,” my answer would vary from day to day. I might feel like a little boy on a certain day, or might not even feel human on another. I think the self-identifying gender of any person isn’t really fixed and is always fluid. But I do feel that visibility is important, so for example, when I’m asked, “How do you feel about it as a female artist,” I have a responsibility to answer as a person belonging to the majority as a cis-gender woman, and I do so because I believe it’s a task I should be taking on.

When did you start to think that you should be taking on that task?

About 3 or 4 years ago, I think. “Haru Nemuri” to me is the kind of person I wished existed when I was about 14 years old. So I think about the responsibilities I wouldn’t like to see her shirking, then reverse that to find the roles Haru Nemuri should be fulfilling and try to take on those tasks myself.

What do you consider important when sending out messages as someone belonging to the majority in terms of gender identity?

I try to make sure that the voices of the parties concerned aren’t lost in my words. I also try to consider each time whether the anger I’m feeling is really something I should be expressing. For example, when I feel angry about some damage caused by a misogynistic system, I think I should speak out, but I can’t speak for the damage caused by transgender discrimination because I can’t be a party to it. The mechanisms that lead to my anger are similar, but if I’m not a party to the situation, of course I can’t understand everything about the problem. That’s why I think it’s important to listen to the voices of the parties involved.

But to bring about change, allies in the majority need to stand with the minority concerned, don’t you think?

Yes. There are definitely moments when solidarity is necessary, but it can also lead to overgeneralization. That’s why we should listen to what each person has to say. When you’re listening to people’s voices like this, balance will be lost if your own voice becomes louder. But I have a platform as a musician so I have to take on that risk as well. By personally taking on this responsibility, I might be able to prevent overgeneralization.

I see, that’s why you respect the voices of those directly involved. How about you? Do you ever feel discriminated against or find it difficult to live as a cis woman?

Being subtly underestimated is a thing. For example, I write all of my own songs. Recently, I’ve been asking my manager, a guy, to stand in front of my computer and press the play/stop button during my live performances. Then after the show, people would come up to him and say, “Those songs are really good.” He operates the computer behind me and I’m singing with only a microphone, so I suppose I can’t blame people for thinking so, but I’m pretty sure part of the reason why it doesn’t occur to them that I write my own songs is because I’m a woman. Also, people who say that to my manager speak politely to him but use overly friendly language when addressing me.

I can see that happening. You’re also active in the U.S. and have done many interviews there. Do you notice any differences in the treatment of female artists in Japan and the U.S.?

I’m open about the fact that I’m a liberal feminist, so people who defend contrary positions don’t approach me very often. In that sense, I’m not sure I can rely on my experience as a data point, but I had many opportunities (in the U.S.) where I was treated with a sense of empowerment and respect. (Interviewers in the U.S.) aren’t put off when I say I’m a feminist, and in fact, they often ask me to speak in that context.

You’ve said in previous interviews that being a feminist isn’t accepted in Japan. Do you still feel the same way about that?

I think maybe more people are willing to listen to what I have to say now because they’ve done some reading or learned about it on their own. I expressed my messages pretty clearly in my second album, SHUNKA RYOUGEN, and many people seem to have read off of that.

What function does writing lyrics serve for you?

I didn’t become self-aware until fairly late and was quite unaware of my ego until I was about 18 years old. It was between the ages of 18 and 21 when I realized what I didn’t want to do, and ran away from home because I didn’t want to take a corporate job. I began writing lyrics from around that time, and I think I did it then to verbalize, realize, and grasp how I was feeling and what made me sad.

Did anything change when you started putting your sadness and anger into words?

At first I was really happy to be able to verbalize those thoughts and it felt liberating, but as I continued to do so, I was often confronted with the feeling that nothing can be done about what’s causing that sadness and anger until I die. So now it feels more like, “What I’m doing is meaningless but I have to do it anyway.” But after majoring in philosophy in university, I began to think that one’s thoughts and actions can be separated, and learned that they affect each other, so I think that is why I’m able to keep at it.

I’m sure many people are empowered by your music. Is that something intentional on your part when you sing or write your music?

You know what, that’s not really my intention. They’re for me; I write my songs in desperation, in order to survive. Things that are done in desperation has energy, so there might be people who are pulled along by it, and I also believe that writing songs and presenting them is a violent act like hitting someone. I compose and write lyrics feeling pain, coexisting with the thought that “people might be better off not knowing things like this.” It’s almost like I’m experiencing life through pain.

—This interview by Rio Hirai (SOW SWEET PUBLISHING) first appeared on Billboard Japan