Music

If Eilish’s pop-punk masterpiece “Happier Than Ever” is red hot rage, then “Watch” from her debut EP is cold, calculated, seething anger. And as far as revenge goes, it can be much more effective to whisper with a smile on your face than scream uncontrollably that, oh yeah, I set your car on fire.

Best revenge lyric: “I’ll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me/ But you never came back to ask it out.”

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Doja Cat sees your crimes against men’s cars and raises you this approach: telling his mom on him. On this Planet Her standout, you can practically see the maniacal grin on the rapper’s face as she gleefully threatens to tattle on a man who just, well, ain’t s–t.

Best revenge lyrics: “I’m not gon’ key your car, I’ll call your f–king mom/ You should have paid my rent, go get a f–king job.”

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Taylor Swift has oft visited the idea of revenge in her songs over the years, from 2006’s “Picture to Burn to 2021’s “No Body No Crime” and everything in between — 2010’s “Better Than Revenge,” 2014’s “Bad Blood,” 2017’s “Look What You Made Me Do,” etc.

In doing so, she’s become a master at writing about the topic, as evidenced by Midnights fan-favorite “Vigilante S–t.” On this Billie Eilish-coded track, she fantasizes about ratting enemies out to the FBI and taking it all in divorce settlements, all while wearing fiercely cutthroat eyeliner.

Best revenge lyric: “I don’t start s–t, but I can tell you how it ends/ Don’t get sad, get even.”

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The best revenge is always knowing that you’re doing way better in life than your ex. And knowing that your very presence is enough to piss them off? Icing on the cake.

Best revenge lyric: “When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell/ When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell.”

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Nothing will ever, ever top the badassery of Stevie Nicks writing a song about getting long-term revenge on Lindsey Buckingham, who not only had to record it as her Fleetwood Mac bandmate, but had to perform it over and over again in concerts with a furious Nicks staring him down.

Best revenge lyric: “I’ll follow you down ’til the sound of my voice will haunt you/
Give me just a chance/ You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you.”

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“Sorry Not Sorry” is Demi Lovato’s highest-charting Hot 100 hit to date for a reason. An ode to hot girl summer before that was even a thing, this track proves that sometimes, revenge can be a whole party in and of itself.

Best revenge lyric: “Now, I’m out here lookin’ like revenge/ Feelin’ like a ten, the best I’ve ever been/ And, yeah, I know how bad it must hurt to see me like this/ But it gets worse.”

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Who said you can’t seek revenge on someone else’s behalf? Reba McEntire takes her brother’s cheating wife into her own hands on this pinnacle of country music storytelling — but if you’re going to follow her lead, just make sure no one else ends up taking the fall for you.

Best revenge lyric: “That’s one body that’ll never be found/ You see little sister don’t miss when she aims her gun.”

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Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz. “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago the musical gives not one, not two, but six detailed tutorials on how to snuff out a low-life husband and win a ticket to prison — but for these jailbirds, the tradeoff was totally worth it.

Best revenge lyric: “He only had himself to blame/ If you’d have been there/ If you’d have seen it/ I betcha you would have done the same.”

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There’s bloodthirsty, rage-driven revenge, and there’s Lizzo’s brand of revenge: being completely, infuriatingly unbothered. Need to get under your ex-man’s skin? Letting him know that you’ve already found a new one on the Minnesota Vikings — plus several other contenders in his own friend group — is a great place to start.

Best revenge lyric: “So you can tell your friends, ‘Shoot your shot,’ when you see ’em/ It’s OK, he already in my DMs.”

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Even a river couldn’t extinguish this major burn. Long believed to be written about Britney Spears, whom Justin Timberlake believed to have been unfaithful, this scathing 2002 hit is basically the sonic equivalent to a raised middle finger.

Best revenge lyric: “The bridges were burned/ Now it’s your turn, to cry.”

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Mariah Carey had the best way of getting back at Eminem, who claimed he dated the Songbird Supreme in the 2000s. In response, she called him out for lying in a very obvious diss track dedicated to the real Slim Shady; dressed up as him in the music video; and undermined everything he had to say by posing one simple question: why so obsessed?

Best revenge lyric: “Oh finally found a girl that you couldn’t impress/ Last man on the Earth still couldn’t hit this.”

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“Goodbye Earl” is the apex of revenge-murder songs. As the Chicks tell it, Earl simply needed to go nighty night forever after violently abusing his wife Wanda, who poisons him with the help of her best friend Mary Anne and a very special black-eyed peas recipe. It’s okay, though: no one missed him anyway.

Best revenge lyric: “Why don’t you lay down and sleep, Earl/ Ain’t it dark wrapped up in that tarp, Earl?”

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When passive aggressive subtweets just won’t satisfy your revenge needs, there’s always the option murder — metaphorically speaking, of course. On this 2007 Maroon 5 classic, Adam Levine confesses to finding his S.O. with another man. His solution? “I had to shoot him dead.” Overkill? Literally.

Best revenge lyric: “I answer questions, never maybe/ And I’m not kind if you betray me/ So, who the hell are you to save me?”

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At times, revenge is best served in the form of a brag. Since its release, “Since U Been Gone” has empowered the heartbroken of the world to find solace in knowing their ex’s absence may actually have made their lives better — neener, neener, neener.

Best revenge lyric: “I’m so moving on, yeah, yeah/ Thanks to you, now I get what I want.”

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There are moments when revenge must be closely calculated and actively sought out, and then there are moments when the opportunity literally comes knocking at your door. And when a blubbering ex shows up at Rihanna’s front stoop on this track, she rises to the occasion by absolutely decimating him in a three minute, 50 second roast session. No one does it like RiRi.

Best revenge lyric: “You look so dumb right now/ Standin’ outside my house/ Tryin’ to apologize/ You’re so ugly when you cry.”

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What do you do when the father of your children and partner of 12 years breaks up with you, then moves straight on with a girl half your age? If you’re Shakira, you drop one of the most blistering diss tracks of all time, airing out every single one of your grievances in unflinching detail.

Best revenge lyric: “Las mujeres ya no lloran, las mujeres facturan,” which translates to: “Women no longer cry, women get paid.”

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With a famously foreboding bass riff and vaguely ominous lyrics, Nancy Sinatra’s classic Hot 100 topper promises that karmic vengeance will be delivered no matter what — if not right away, then someday. And you’ll never see it coming. Are you ready, boots? Start walking.

Best revenge lyric: “You keep thinkin’ that you’ll never get burnt/ I just found me a brand new box of matches/ And what he knows you ain’t had time to learn.”

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Although “Irreplaceable” definitely deserves an honorable mention, “Sorry” takes listeners through a roller coaster of emotions that just can’t be topped. In response to infidelity, Queen Bey seeks revenge by doing everything from flipping him the bird to staying out late and making him worry, telling him to “suck my balls” and leaving him alone with nothing but a note to remember her by.

Best revenge lyric: “Now you gotta see me wilding, now I’m the one that’s lying/ And I don’t feel bad about it, it’s exactly what you get/ Stop interrupting my grinding/ I ain’t thinking ’bout you.”

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Vehicle vandalism is a recurring theme in this list. Why? As Jazmine Sullivan very clearly explains, the math is simple: if you break my heart, then I’ll break your car.

Best revenge lyric: “Even though what you did to me was much worse/ I had to do something to make you hurt.”

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Getting revenge can be as simple as two words. And, depending on how salty you are, CeeLo has two options: “F–k You” and its clean version, “Forget You.”

Best revenge lyric: “And although there’s pain in my chest/ I still wish you the best with a ‘F–k you.’”

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Long rumored to be a savage takedown of her ex, actor Dave Coulier, Alanis Morissette seeks her vengeance by making certain her target can never, ever, ever forget how he betrayed her. And given that the song topped the Alternative Airplay chart and enjoys regular radio play to this day, he definitely never will.

Best revenge lyric: “Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?/ I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner/
It was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced/ And are you thinking of me when you f–k her?”

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Are you willing to go as far as it takes to get revenge? Are you prepared to get messy? Are you willing to show people just how crazy you can be? If you’re a fan of this boot-stomping Lambert gem from 2013, your answers are probably: yes, yes and hell yes.

Best revenge lyric: “Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation/ Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make.”

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SZA brought murderous revenge fantasy songs back into vogue in the 2020s, all thanks to her stunning SOS single “Kill Bill,” the musician’s first Hot 100 No. 1, on which she dreams of killing an ex who moves on way too fast for her liking.

Best revenge lyric: “I just killed my ex/ I still love him, though/ Rather be in hell than alone.”

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Carly Simon’s Hot 100 topper is a total stroke of genius from a revenge point of view. Not only does she get to insult her ex from top to bottom in this song, but that ex can’t even call her out for it — because then, he’d just be proving her right.

Best revenge lyric: “I bet you think this song is about you/ Don’t you don’t you don’t you?”

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“Before He Cheats” is a cathartic listening experience that validates everyone who’s ever been told, “Don’t worry babe, we’re just friends.” Thank you, Carrie Underwood: car-owning cheaters will forever fear Louisville Sluggers because of you.

Best revenge lyric: “I might have saved a little trouble for the next girl/ ‘Cause the next time that he cheats/ Oh, you know it won’t be on me.”

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