Nick Cannon Remembers Son Zen a Year After Baby’s Death: ‘I Will Never Get Over’ It

Nick Cannon is marking the one-year anniversary since the death of his infant son Zen.

“Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken,” the soon-to-be father of 12 wrote alongside a black-and-white photo of himself cradling baby Zen on Instagram Monday (Dec. 5). “Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred.

“Such a painful anniversary,” he continued. “Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily. I am far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question, but anyone who knows me knows my heart. I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth.”

Born to model Alyssa Scott, Zen was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer and only lived to be five months old before passing away in December 2021. At the time, Cannon and Scott defended their decision to forgo seeking treatment, explaining that they wanted to give Zen the best quality of life possible without subjecting him to the rigors of chemotherapy.

Cannon, who was hospitalized over the weekend with a bout of pneumonia, concluded his post by writing, “I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don’t waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now… Continue to Peacefully Rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally.”

Since Zen’s death, the host of The Masked Singer has welcomed four more kids with other women. Scott, meanwhile, is currently pregnant with her and Cannon’s second child together, and the latter’s twelfth altogether.